I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
