We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
