why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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