mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
