I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
