I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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