You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
