I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
