Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
