I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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