You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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