there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
