Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
