No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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