I must be too annoying 4 u.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
