Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
