I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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