His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
