shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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