Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
