Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
