she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
