When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
