Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
