I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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