Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
