I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Someone signed my nipple.
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