I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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