You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
