I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
