I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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