I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
