Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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