I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it's like iHOP with fire
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
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