We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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