dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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