Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
