It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
