I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
