OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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