Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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