remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
