And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
