My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
