I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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