In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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