Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
