He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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