i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
