Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
