i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
